Desire.

Lot of different things can set off the desire to drink. Lot of possibilities and as many combinations of triggers as there are for fine cocktails.

When I noticed that I was starting to “have a little problem”, i.e  when “just one or two” wasn’t enough, I was already drinking to help ease the physical pain of the various physical problems I currently experience, and at times, endure.

The pain is tolerable today. That means I am in pain but I don’t have to take anything for it, right now at this time. But, there is a sort of pain on a soul level, or maybe mental is what I mean. I never use to drink because I was mad or sad, but right now at this very moment, I understand why some people do choose to drown out there emotional pain.

“What ifs” can be powerfully debilitating, especially as the anxiety grows to the point that fight or flight kicks in and the better choice was avoided.

If I had a ride to the store, there’s a very good chance I would buy a fifth of rum or baileys and enjoy every bit until the last drop. I don’t feel like mixing cocktails, so it would be simple: mojitos or on the rocks.

As it is, I do not have a ride to the store. There is a bottle of bourbon up in the cabinet though. But yuk, and so, no. Yep – I’m a picky drinker.

Think I’ll crawl in bed for a while.

 

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