“As Pagans, most of us live in this world where light comes from bulbs and heat comes a stove or furnace. We understand that these changes and gains have not come without their losses. Pagans, whatever their specific practice, seek to be part of the natural rhythms. Addictions hold our awareness of these rhythms away from our consciousness. We use the addiction to stand between ourselves and the reality of change, life and death.” (The Recovery Spiral by Cynthia Jane Collins, M.Div.; Introduction, page 4-5)
Using addictions as a way to avoid thoughts, emotions, situations, memories, or whatever else we need to be aware of, seems obvious to me, now.
When I want to reach for that addiction of choice, the above quote now becomes a reminder to ask myself, “What am I trying to avoid? What do I need to be made aware of?” It might even be as simple as remembering and wanting to relive a pleasant time, like a warm summer sipping a cocktail in the garden. But then it is the perfect time to remember that the next day felt like shit because stopping at one or two is like stopping a moving locomotive, on a dime.
With the winter holidays upon us, memories of casual cocktails are nil because I don’t think I was ever a casual drinker, at least not without some anxiety attached to “will there be more to drink after I leave this celebration/party/gathering?”
Addictions suck because they are unmanageable. Addictions handle US. Well to that I say fuck you, addiction. I am not drinking today.